Just Great.
Got to the office at 7am to pick up my gym stuff ... and realised I didn't have my pass with me. So I'm stuck outside the office, can't get anyone to open the door for me. AND I MISSED MY MRN ME TIME CUM THERAPY (aka exercise).
Yes, that sure puts me in a lousy mood. Ended up eating at Maxwell. Pig out some more lor.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
How do you know?
Been so very busy during the weekdays, and I have no access to a PC during weekends. That explains why I've not been blogging.
Work is sapping me ... and I'm just so drained. Everything is NOW, drop-dead deadlines ... all due to some re-org and everyone wants something new implemented yesterday.
Even projects that have been in a stalemate suddenly started running ... its really bad timing ....
Anyway, I feel like i'm just being pushed around. I'm not focused and when things go wrong, I get blamed. And I myself feel bad. I keep questioning myself, blaming myself. "Must be I never put in my best", "Why didn't I push harder?". I feel like I'm not putting in my best, but is it really true ? Or just that I can't possibly know everything ? Or I can't possibly do everything? Or are they all just lame excuses ? everyone around me seem to be doing much better than me. Or again is it just my own self-esteem ? Am I being too hard on myself ? Or am I being too lax and giving myself all these lame excuses??
Someone recently told me the reason why she quit. When she dread whatever she is doing, and she knows she wouldn't put in her best. That's how I feel all the time. But so what ? I still have to be practical. I need to work, and in the meantime buck up or find something I will put my best foot forward. But what's that ? Or am I simply just having a lousy work attitude ? So no matter what job I do, if my attitude is lousy, I wouldn't do it well anyway.
Ok, enough venting. I have to get back to work.
Work is sapping me ... and I'm just so drained. Everything is NOW, drop-dead deadlines ... all due to some re-org and everyone wants something new implemented yesterday.
Even projects that have been in a stalemate suddenly started running ... its really bad timing ....
Anyway, I feel like i'm just being pushed around. I'm not focused and when things go wrong, I get blamed. And I myself feel bad. I keep questioning myself, blaming myself. "Must be I never put in my best", "Why didn't I push harder?". I feel like I'm not putting in my best, but is it really true ? Or just that I can't possibly know everything ? Or I can't possibly do everything? Or are they all just lame excuses ? everyone around me seem to be doing much better than me. Or again is it just my own self-esteem ? Am I being too hard on myself ? Or am I being too lax and giving myself all these lame excuses??
Someone recently told me the reason why she quit. When she dread whatever she is doing, and she knows she wouldn't put in her best. That's how I feel all the time. But so what ? I still have to be practical. I need to work, and in the meantime buck up or find something I will put my best foot forward. But what's that ? Or am I simply just having a lousy work attitude ? So no matter what job I do, if my attitude is lousy, I wouldn't do it well anyway.
Ok, enough venting. I have to get back to work.
Friday, November 02, 2007
Disturbed ...
I've been very busy at work (yes, u saw that right... what a surprise eh ??) lately. So much so I didn't have time to blog, not that I have anything much to blog.
Life is very much the same except that I'm busy busy busy, and I'm not sure why, extremely tired. My workouts are suffering tremendously because I just dun have the energy to spin, nor pump nor swim nor anything! I felt so drained.
The reason why I'm blogging is coz I skipped gym this lunchtime, and after lunch, and still disturbed over what I heard this morning, decided to just pen this down.
Was in the gym in the morning and one of the instructors told me she used to be 10kg overweight! Look at her now! So svelte & fit! You would have never known! The thing is she said she used to run, and also spin morning, noon and night. *fainted 1000 times over* Well, being an instructor, she still exercises 3 times (or more) each day. I used to think I only know one crazy fellow who would exercise 3 times (or more maybe?) a day. But recently as I get to talk to people @ the gym, seems like there are many people who see no problem doing that. And these are people holding day jobs just like myself!
Question to myself is, will I do that ? Can I do that ? I mean, is it not bordering on madness that people exercise (at high intensity mind you, not some stroll in the park) so hard 3 times (or more) each day ? Is that why I'm fated to remain fat because I wouldn't have that kind of energy and discipline to do that ? I keep thinking over and over why people can do that while I can't. Why am I such a slacker? I get sick and bored of the same exercise. Even like now, I dread going to spin class as the same routines will play in my head and I would just groan at the monotony. So how do they do that ? "Its in the mind", the lady instructor said.
Just yesterday I was talking to another friend about my ill-discipline in controlling my food intake. Its in the mind too she said.
Yes, I am very sure I lack the discipline, and the self control. How do I psych myself ? I know not yet. But I have to somehow train myself ....
I need to emulate these people. To be disciplined enough in whatever they do (not just exercise I'm talking about). But to be focused, to train oneself to perservere and not give up so easily or get bored so easily .... this is one tough training ahead for me. Perhaps its all this not being able to stick to routines that is causing me so much grief in my daily life ... I have got to change ... I have to be like them ... able to do the same thing over and over and over again. Prolly just like what some would argue, "you don't get bored eating right?". So based on the same premise, I shouldn't get bored with other aspects of my life - including my gym routines, and my life.
Yes, I'm perturbed, disturbed. But more importantly, I know I have a problem and I need to change. Maybe I'm being too easy on myself, I always give myself excuses, to give myself a way out. Whereas for the disciplined ones, there's no other way. Just one way, one way to the goal. That's what I lack.
Time to NOT pamper yourself so much, KJ. Gotto toughen up!
Life is very much the same except that I'm busy busy busy, and I'm not sure why, extremely tired. My workouts are suffering tremendously because I just dun have the energy to spin, nor pump nor swim nor anything! I felt so drained.
The reason why I'm blogging is coz I skipped gym this lunchtime, and after lunch, and still disturbed over what I heard this morning, decided to just pen this down.
Was in the gym in the morning and one of the instructors told me she used to be 10kg overweight! Look at her now! So svelte & fit! You would have never known! The thing is she said she used to run, and also spin morning, noon and night. *fainted 1000 times over* Well, being an instructor, she still exercises 3 times (or more) each day. I used to think I only know one crazy fellow who would exercise 3 times (or more maybe?) a day. But recently as I get to talk to people @ the gym, seems like there are many people who see no problem doing that. And these are people holding day jobs just like myself!
Question to myself is, will I do that ? Can I do that ? I mean, is it not bordering on madness that people exercise (at high intensity mind you, not some stroll in the park) so hard 3 times (or more) each day ? Is that why I'm fated to remain fat because I wouldn't have that kind of energy and discipline to do that ? I keep thinking over and over why people can do that while I can't. Why am I such a slacker? I get sick and bored of the same exercise. Even like now, I dread going to spin class as the same routines will play in my head and I would just groan at the monotony. So how do they do that ? "Its in the mind", the lady instructor said.
Just yesterday I was talking to another friend about my ill-discipline in controlling my food intake. Its in the mind too she said.
Yes, I am very sure I lack the discipline, and the self control. How do I psych myself ? I know not yet. But I have to somehow train myself ....
I need to emulate these people. To be disciplined enough in whatever they do (not just exercise I'm talking about). But to be focused, to train oneself to perservere and not give up so easily or get bored so easily .... this is one tough training ahead for me. Perhaps its all this not being able to stick to routines that is causing me so much grief in my daily life ... I have got to change ... I have to be like them ... able to do the same thing over and over and over again. Prolly just like what some would argue, "you don't get bored eating right?". So based on the same premise, I shouldn't get bored with other aspects of my life - including my gym routines, and my life.
Yes, I'm perturbed, disturbed. But more importantly, I know I have a problem and I need to change. Maybe I'm being too easy on myself, I always give myself excuses, to give myself a way out. Whereas for the disciplined ones, there's no other way. Just one way, one way to the goal. That's what I lack.
Time to NOT pamper yourself so much, KJ. Gotto toughen up!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)