How do you know?

Been so very busy during the weekdays, and I have no access to a PC during weekends. That explains why I've not been blogging.

Work is sapping me ... and I'm just so drained. Everything is NOW, drop-dead deadlines ... all due to some re-org and everyone wants something new implemented yesterday.
Even projects that have been in a stalemate suddenly started running ... its really bad timing ....

Anyway, I feel like i'm just being pushed around. I'm not focused and when things go wrong, I get blamed. And I myself feel bad. I keep questioning myself, blaming myself. "Must be I never put in my best", "Why didn't I push harder?". I feel like I'm not putting in my best, but is it really true ? Or just that I can't possibly know everything ? Or I can't possibly do everything? Or are they all just lame excuses ? everyone around me seem to be doing much better than me. Or again is it just my own self-esteem ? Am I being too hard on myself ? Or am I being too lax and giving myself all these lame excuses??

Someone recently told me the reason why she quit. When she dread whatever she is doing, and she knows she wouldn't put in her best. That's how I feel all the time. But so what ? I still have to be practical. I need to work, and in the meantime buck up or find something I will put my best foot forward. But what's that ? Or am I simply just having a lousy work attitude ? So no matter what job I do, if my attitude is lousy, I wouldn't do it well anyway.

Ok, enough venting. I have to get back to work.