3 more

Its only Tues, and I'm counting down to Fri ...

Tired

Pig's Trotters

And so my ankle is still swollen. Not sure whether it was made worse when I asked my Dad to massage it on Sun night. Sigh.

Despite the mild pain, I resumed my exercise routines since ytd. By today I tot I better go consult another sinseh.

The sinseh saw my swollen ankle and exclaimed "wah!". There was little treatment done and he just pasted one ko yo on my ankle. He said to leave it on for 24 hours .... but the ko yo is proving too "potent" as i could feel it burning into my skin now.

Will likely be removing it soon else I couldn't sleep.

Sigh ... really hate this period.

AGAIN?!?!?!?!?!

Just as I'm happy about my run, and on my way home..... I had to slip from the last step of the stairs, fell down and sprained my left ankle. The SAME ankle which I'm still trying to recover from!!! ARGH!!!! When I fell I could hear the cracking sound of something in my ankle. #*$U#@($#@

I wasn't able to get up for a while, both from the pain and the shock.

The first thing that crossed my mind was "SHIT!!! Again?!?!?!?" and the next was "F**K! I was just about to get back to my running routine!!!!! Now this?!?!?!?!? I can't run again?!?!?!?!?!??!"

Am really really really frustrated. Can't express the irritation and frustration I am feeling right now. Think the pain is slowing building up .... sigh ....

Wondering whether I shld go see a GP now, or just sleep. I am so tired .... don't even have the energy to go ice my ankle. Wonder whether the salonpas plaster I put on, which has that icy cool feeling can be a good substitute ?

Damn. And now I'm down AGAIN. Pissed.

15 mins

The same thing played out almost every morning. Alarm will ring at 5am, and I will just go back to sleep.

I think I used up all my self-discipline and motivation last year. I wonder why I was able to so diligently run every tues and thurs morning then. So ashamed of myself now.

Anyway, was a bit early so decided to run a little on the treadmill, just to see how I feel, and whether my ankle still hurts from the sprain.

Gosh, it felt like time stood still right from the very beginning of my run. 1 minute seemed to crawl by, I felt like everything was in slow mo. I noticed something about my running gait though. Something I didn't used to take much notice. My left foot sort of tilts a little awkwardly each time i lift up and land. Not sure whether it was due to my ankle sprain, but it sure looked different from my landing on my right. This prolly explains why I always have injuries on my left foot.

It seemed like forever to run that 15mins. 2.4km. *shake head* .... Heaven help me.

Run KJ Run!!!

I really need to start running again .... everyday just cannot get myself to run ....
argh! how ?

Randoms

In the past 2 over years that I've been blogging, I don't recall ever going without a posting for more than 2 weeks. I've "out-done" myself by not updating this for the past 2 months. Shame on me.

Was surprised to see this image staring at me on my blog.

Anyway, the last run I did was over 2 weeks ago when I did a run to office on a Sunday mrn (27 Sep)! It was hardly 10km and took me 1.5hours with LOTS of walk breaks. And I suffered in the next 2 days with muscle ache. Felt damn demoralised. Somehow I lost the drive in running this year, and that explains for my lack of blogging. I felt bad, but just couldn't get my act together. Wonder what will spur me back into my running regime. But until then, I'm just letting my shoes turn to mold in the shoe rack. Shame on me x2. If you have any good ideas to get me back to my running, pls drop me a message.

Work-wise, been dreadful. Pressurising and frustrating. People pushing to get things done when things are not certain. So they can take months to get back to you (despite constant reminders that) but expect immediate response from you. Boss will say one thing but do another. I'm just telling myself each day I'm working to pay the bills, just so that I can survive each day. How long can such a mindset last ? I do not know, but it has been keeping me here for the past few years. And this also explains why I dread Mondays, anxiously count down to Fridays and gets depressed by Sunday night. Loser you said ? Errr ... I share that sentiments. Guess the last straw came last Fri when I totally lost it and raised my voice at THE BOSS. Though I think he totally deserves it, but I guess that is just career suicide. Ok, so I don't have much of a career anyway. Just feeling damn sian about the whole situation.

Sometimes think life can be cruel. Took me years to get over something, to be temporarily replaced by some semblance of a normal life, with an iota of happiness, only to have it take away, and replaced by the same old familiar unhappiness that haunts me. Sounds illogical ? But that's exactly how I feel right now. Angry at myself for allowing the ole enemies to find me again. I should be stronger than this.

Ah well, life could be worse. In the meantime, I just pray for situation to improve somewhat, and to let me recover soon. Healing is part of the journey, but I just wish that my healing is shorter than the actual process of enjoying life.

While logic tells me to :-
1) Have a positive attitude
2) Embrace each day as its my last
3) Smile and the world smiles with you
4) Aiya, it could have been worse
Its really difficult to perk myself up.

So while logic will take a while to work its effects (if at all), I'm wondering whether a touch of feng shui will help (hahaha, kidding lah).
But I did remodel my room a bit yesterday as I find my current bed position unconducive to my sleep. Hope that the new position will help me somewhat, if not feng shui, then at least psychologically.

Super Slack!

My last run was on the 17 Mar!!!!

It was a pretty good run. The usual Tues route.  

About 12+km, 1hr 20+mins.

After that its been downhill all the way.

Felt very out of shape for spins.  Simply STRUGGLED for every sesh and it was so evident my instructress picked me up and kept calling my name to "Turn up!!", "Come on!", "Just a bit more!", "Don't slow down!!".

That continued for Thurs & Fri.

And Thurs it rained.

Wed it rained too so skipped the swim coz the waters would be extremely cold.  Fri overslept.  Geeezzzz ... I'm getting super slack!!!

And not to forget I've been LSD-less for the past 2 weeks and I wouldn't be doing my LSD this coming weekend too.  Sat was feeling way too tired to run.  Sat was nursing this mild headache that got worse and by Sun mrn I was just feeling too heavy-headed to run.

Wah ..... I hope I get out of this rut reallll sooon ....

*cross fingers*

Sleepless

ARGH!!!!!!

2 nights in a row that I woke up in the middle of the night and I couldn't get back to sleep

Last nite I was up from 1 til 4:30am.  Thankfully I wasn't planning for a run though its a Thurs

And now ... I'm up again and I can't sleep ...... and I'm planning to run later! SHIT ... 

This week is a damn slack week with minimal gym seshs ...only 1 swim .... I'm so going to pay for it man ... 

Rest Week

Day 8 of my super slack week of non running.

My ITB still hurts.... not sure whether my spinning hindered the recovery .... 

And I swim more this week.  Five times since mon.

Had a swim at a friend's condo.  Very relaxing swim considering the pool is much bigger than the one at FF!! and so much cleaner! And I had the pool all to myself!  Fantastic!

Getting kinda worried about the pain.  The pain while walking can be bad after sitting in a fixed position for a long while.  That happened in the first 5 to 10 mins of walking after a movie ... 

If this continue I would have to seek professional help ... maybe a massage now will help ...

Anyway ..... saw this super cool limo at a junction yesterday .... 

Its for rent .... 

Rest

The outer back of my right knee hurts .... not major pain but I could feel the discomfort ... the pain when i walk ... when i go down stairs 

and the general weakness in the right knee .... 

This is not good.  I hope I'm not injured... just a minor strain ... 

So I had no choice but to have this self-imposed rest .... 

No spin today, and possibly for the next couple of days if situation does not improve

and definitely no runs this week.

Lay off.  Rest.  Cham, just bingeing and getting more obese.  Damn,

DE-Motivation

No LSD on Sunday.

I was just plain lazy .... and lack the motivation.

SO I told myself to run on Mon.

Mon came, and I just couldn't bring myself to run.

I'm really slacking !! I've no motivation to run at all.  Just feeling so damn sian.

Shit.

And I'm still pigging out like a hungry ghost ..... 

______________________________________________

One good thing that came out of this dreadful Monday is when I saw an old kaki at the gym during the lunchtime spin.  I was just in my own zombie mode, looking all black face and sian (especially when the class was led by this instructress that I simply dread) when I stumbled upon this old kaki.  That really brightened up the session.  I'm not being melancholic nor dramatic when I say I was really glad to see this kaki. 

Hope we will get to catch up again real soon ..... Its been too long .... 

______________________________________________

Hope I get back my motivation real soon .... its very easy to get used to slacking .... and I don't need that!

:(

Loser ....

Sometimes really wonder what's the point ?

What's the point of working hard when you don't get appreciated

And all you get in return is more crap work (because the boss knows he can entrust the sai gang to you?) ... with little reward nor recognition .... 

And I am made to feel like I'm never good enough (though I think there are so many people around that simply CMI)

While these people need not prove themselves, I am constantly told that I have to ... in order to justify giving me the official title ... 

So I've been paid peanuts, to do the work of more senior staff, and at the end of the day, I'm told I'm not good enough (and yet the same kind of work gets piled onto my plate ?)

Where's the equity ?

I'm really really frustrated and jaded .... 

Feel like such a bloody loser ... I'm going nowhere in my job (i've long since not dared to use the word "career" since that is non-existent) and I'm not excelling in any other areas ....

So ... what am I if not a loser ?

Should I ??

Damn.  I think I'm injured :(

Shin been complaining on and off even while at rest and I had this pain when I put on my gym shoes for my spin during lunch.  I was limping coz the front of my right ankle hurts!  The same pain which prompted me to stop my run ytd, only today it had gotten worse.

WTF.

Wonder whether I should run tomorrow ...

I need the run coz I'm feeling down.  But I am afraid that I might aggravate the problem.

Rest or Run ?   

Guess I have to heed The Gifted's advice.  Rotate among several pairs of shoes.  Guess I have to burn another hole in my wallet with yet another pair.  Think I will go back to my Mizuno.

Ooo Yes, I'm THE Bitch

Fell asleep after lunch .... ooops, yes, I'm THE Pig too.  Woke up and decided to go for a swim.  

Got there and the pool was pretty crowded but still able to get a lane.  While getting ready, a bunch of ANs arrived.  That really really really spoilt my mood.  Yes, that's how racist I am and through the years this condition has just gotten worse.  Much worse.

I was really irritated by that bunch of them .... wasting space and polluting the waters .... so I kept as far away as I could and found myself a lane right at the other end of the pool.

Few laps into the swim, this lady decided to get in and stood directly in the lane I was in.  That really didn't help my mood lor ... I cursed in between gasps and tried to just ignore her inconsideration.  As the pool was already getting too crowded, she was really just getting in MY way.  At one point I had to stop as she was struggling right ahead of me.  The Bitch just rearer its ugly head.

After a few more laps, she was again blocking me and this time, I just lost it.  I just told her "this is my lane, could you pls .... " ... Yes, The Bitch had spoken.  I felt bad scaring that poor gal off, but I reasoned that seriously, anybody would have more cow sense than her.  

Anyway, I was glad that throughout the rest of the swim, she kept away and stuck to a lane next to me and progressively moved away as the crowd thinned.

Anyway, I swam more aggressively due to the irritation that built up right from the sight of those AN.

Yeah, I know this is getting a lil out of control.  I got to start getting my racism in check before it affects me too much.

This could become my new year resolution.  To be less intolerant (I couldn't bring myself to type "more tolerant") of AN.  

Cold Crap Run

Alarm rang this mrn and I thought it was time to wake up for work.  Took me a while to realise that its Sunday (YAY!!!!) and it was time for my run.

Somehow I wasn't psyched about the run, just felt tired and wasn't sure about the run.

As I was walking out I felt a few droplets and realised the sky looked gloomy.  Did my usual stretches and started my run.  I was struggling right from the start and by the time I got to Botanic Gardens i was panting.  Very bad sign.

The rain started to fall when I got to Orchard and so I slowed down even more as the pavement was wet and slippery.  I stopped to rest when I got to Selegie and was tempted to end the run.

I run-walked as much as I could and finally gave up near to Newton as the rain was getting heavier.  I tried to run in the rain but my body felt extremely heavy for my legs and it was cold with the rain pelting down ... I gave up and took a cab home.

Very crap run.  Don't think I cover 9km.  Haha ... nevermind, better run next time KJ.

And the funny thing is, my kahs are feeling sng now!!!  For less than 9km!   what's up with that ?!?!

ARGHHHHHHHH

Changed and getting ready when I suddenly felt VERY unwell.
Took a banana & milo and downed some pills ....

No choice but to abandon the run. Just glad that I wasn't on the road when it attacked.

So ... no run today .... arghhhhhh

Damn.

SLACK!!!!

Suppose to run this mrn.

But ... 

I .... 

SLACKED!!!!

Just way too tired and I just couldn't bring myself to run.

All the sinful input and no output .... 

Obese Jazzy :P

Sleepless

I'm surprised I'm able to stay awake the entire day at work ... without feeling that sleepy

My bio is completely screwed ... 

Even managed to get a hair cut ... although the stylist commented that I looked like I didn't sleep at all

Friend also said I looked tired ... 

coz I am ... tired, but just can't sleep .... 

I seem to be in some twilight zone ... 

___________________________________________________

Anyway .... 

You know that the financial turmoil is hitting too close to home 

That the economy is in real recession

When your company talks about "Efficiency Drive" ...

About slashing budget ...

About having no budget ...

About not travelling overseas (and Sentosa is considered too pricey!!!) for the department retreat (then heck the retreat for crying out loud!) ..

And when not everyone is invited to the department lunch ...

And most of us didn't have our fill at the buffet lunch .... 

Yes, we are in damn recession 

Counting sheep

1001 .... 1002 ... 1003 ... 1004 ....
....
9991 ... 9992 ... 9993 ... 9994 .....
....

Its 230am and I'm WIDE AWAKE.

arghhhhhhhhhhh

Its time ....

First I found out on Mon mrn, to my biggest horror, that I can no longer do what I do everyday at work to keep from going insane .....

And not to mention that work sux BIG TIME ...

And .... I have to work tomorrow ... full day ..... business as usual ..... on a PUBLIC HOLIDAY!

WTF!  

I don't get thanked for the hard work, but I'm always remembered for all the dirty job .... 

I'm frustrated.  And that's an understatement.