Randoms

In the past 2 over years that I've been blogging, I don't recall ever going without a posting for more than 2 weeks. I've "out-done" myself by not updating this for the past 2 months. Shame on me.

Was surprised to see this image staring at me on my blog.

Anyway, the last run I did was over 2 weeks ago when I did a run to office on a Sunday mrn (27 Sep)! It was hardly 10km and took me 1.5hours with LOTS of walk breaks. And I suffered in the next 2 days with muscle ache. Felt damn demoralised. Somehow I lost the drive in running this year, and that explains for my lack of blogging. I felt bad, but just couldn't get my act together. Wonder what will spur me back into my running regime. But until then, I'm just letting my shoes turn to mold in the shoe rack. Shame on me x2. If you have any good ideas to get me back to my running, pls drop me a message.

Work-wise, been dreadful. Pressurising and frustrating. People pushing to get things done when things are not certain. So they can take months to get back to you (despite constant reminders that) but expect immediate response from you. Boss will say one thing but do another. I'm just telling myself each day I'm working to pay the bills, just so that I can survive each day. How long can such a mindset last ? I do not know, but it has been keeping me here for the past few years. And this also explains why I dread Mondays, anxiously count down to Fridays and gets depressed by Sunday night. Loser you said ? Errr ... I share that sentiments. Guess the last straw came last Fri when I totally lost it and raised my voice at THE BOSS. Though I think he totally deserves it, but I guess that is just career suicide. Ok, so I don't have much of a career anyway. Just feeling damn sian about the whole situation.

Sometimes think life can be cruel. Took me years to get over something, to be temporarily replaced by some semblance of a normal life, with an iota of happiness, only to have it take away, and replaced by the same old familiar unhappiness that haunts me. Sounds illogical ? But that's exactly how I feel right now. Angry at myself for allowing the ole enemies to find me again. I should be stronger than this.

Ah well, life could be worse. In the meantime, I just pray for situation to improve somewhat, and to let me recover soon. Healing is part of the journey, but I just wish that my healing is shorter than the actual process of enjoying life.

While logic tells me to :-
1) Have a positive attitude
2) Embrace each day as its my last
3) Smile and the world smiles with you
4) Aiya, it could have been worse
Its really difficult to perk myself up.

So while logic will take a while to work its effects (if at all), I'm wondering whether a touch of feng shui will help (hahaha, kidding lah).
But I did remodel my room a bit yesterday as I find my current bed position unconducive to my sleep. Hope that the new position will help me somewhat, if not feng shui, then at least psychologically.