And what was to be an LSD ...

Arranged to do an LSD in ECP with the HSP folks. Whole week has gone by without me having time to plan / ask about any LSD. Thankfully at the very last minute, Taz helped to arrange for one at ECP. THANK YOU SO MUCH, Taz!!! *bow*

Teelee picked me, Taz & JT (THANKS Teelee!!) up before meeting Divey at ECP. Day didn't start out well for me as I was feeling tired and my tummy wasn't behaving. Feeling all bloated and my tummy was churning sporadically. We started our run and I could just feel this tightness and muscle pull on my left calves and my left shin was acting up with every step I took, no matter how slow I was. I had a bad feeling about the run and hence asked Divey to go ahead without me. I tried the run/walk (8min run/2min walk) right from the start but after like 30 mins, the pains, aches and tiredness just didn't subside. In fact, it got worse after every walk break and I would have difficulty re-gaining the run without feeling the pain. My feet was hurting too (could it be my shoes ???) , my toes were aching with each step and all I could think of was "Can I go on ? How am I to complete my LSD in this condition??". I struggled like an old lady for 58 mins and as my walk break came to a close 2 mins after (1 hr into the start of the LSD), I was just unable to carry on the run. The body just refuse to start my run segment. So I carried on walking .... and walking .... 5 mins .... 10 mins .... my mind was drifting off and the next time I checked my watch, I was already walking for a good 20+ mins.

There were lots of runners out today doing their morning run. Many seem to be running in groups, possibly training for the upcoming SCSM (can you imagine that it is just less than 2 months away ?? Time truly flies, we are so close to the end of the year ..... ). I just kept on strolling with my bottle in hand. People jogging past must be wondering what is this cha bo doing all decked out in running attire, with bottle in hand, and ... NOT running ??!! haha ... darn! Anyway, I reasoned that there is no point in forcing myself to run when I'm just physically unfit to run today. The body conditions are just not right today and I wouldn't get a "quality run" even if I push myself to carry on. So I just walked all the way to the Bedok Jetty and u-turned back to the starting point at MacDonalds. Returned in 2+ hours and waited around for the rest to return.

Divey was doing really well and was the second to come back followed by JT shortly after. These 2 power gals had done about 22km. Taz went for a 32km run while Teelee ran all the way to the ferry terminal and back (distance unknown - possibly 40km???). This run truly reminds me of the LSD walk @ HSP many months back (think it was in June?) where I felt the same way! The legs were just tooo tired to run and I ended up walking the entire distance back. Just hope such cases don't happen too often! *prays hard*

We then had our brunch at MacDonalds before heading back home. I think I'm just too tired. Going to just rest for the day and hopefully my body is fit enough to run tomorrow morning. I shall pray for a better tomorrow. Wouldn't be arranging for any LSD with anyone since I cannot be sure my condition tomorrow and do not wish to make any committment that I likely will not be able to keep.

Throughout the run, all sorts of negative thoughts invaded my mind. I was trying hard not to let these negativity overcome me. Walking alone near to the beach helps as the breeze & the sound of the waves do help to calm me down somewhat. I enjoy looking out to the sea and just being lost in my own thoughts. It is times like these that I am forced to face some of the issues head on, inside my head. In usual circumstances, it is always easy to shelve the thoughts into a deep dark corner inside my brain. It is easy to just not think about them, especially when I am busy enjoying myself with friends be it running, chilling out or whatever. However, this morning, I have no where to hide, no where to escape to. I was all alone without my ipod to seek solace, but it does help me to live with being alone and hearing myself. No, unfortunately I didn't manage to get my thoughts sorted out (they are still as warped!!! haha), but yes, I think facing myself and my thoughts this morning helps to align myself a little. I have a chance to tell my mind that "Yes, I hear you. I know these are some matters I have to sort out soon" so that probably these issues will not bug me incessantly. I think as time passes, I realise that some questions/thoughts can never be answered, at least not when I am looking for an answer! Questions like "What is my purpose in life ?", "What would I like to do in my life ? my career?" Well, some of them I think it might take me a whole lifetime to find the answers (if at all!), so I think it is better to put the time to better use by just doing what I like, enjoying the NOW and hopefully one day, the answers will come to me ?

All in all, a dismal LSD since I hardly covered 8km, but at least I managed to breathe in some fresh air, look out into the sea, get some sun on my already chao da body and I also set myself a target. A target to go for my certification exam by mid Jan 07. I just hope I have the steam and motivation to study and go for the test by then. The reason why I blog about this deadline (I was contemplating to NOT talk about this so that I wouldn't be pressured) is so that I will have to stick to it, and of course for you to remind me about it :P

Ok, time to kiao kah & rest my tired body. I'm wondering why I'm constantly tired. "Chronic Fatigue" - Divey mentioned. Hmmm, sounds VEry much like me! I'm perpetually tired. Maybe I ought to seek professional help. :)

FatigueJazzy